Top 10: Reasons They Never Built a New Kutztown High School

10. Why would we build a new school when we have trash cans to catch the rain?

9. Why build a new school when you can just Google one on your new laptop?

8. They were going to build a new high school – they're just waiting for this building to corrode into the earth first. Should be any day now.

7. We're waiting for those greedy Mennonites over at Weaver's Hardware to drop their prices on parts.

6. All the money they accumulated to build a new school went towards a new plant in Mrs. Ball's greenhouse. ...

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IFeltAwkwardWhen.com

I Felt Awkward When… is the new site that allows you to share your most outlandish moments of AWKWARD with the world. Don't worry, we'll keep track so you don't have to. Only the best/funniest moments make the site.
IFAW is the creation of NYC Comedian Jeff Lutz, JeffLutzComedy.com, and OC Newby, a former writer for National Lampoon and currently writes her own blog CelebrityPoopCulture. So, go ahead already: get out there and be AWKWARD. Just don't forget to tell us about it!

http://IFeltAwkwardWhen.com

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What I'll Say When I'm Homeless

http://www.superawesomewow.com/what-ill-say-when-im-homeless/

I live in New York City. The greatest city in the world. Also, one of the most EXPENSIVE! Especially, for a struggling stand-up comic with a day job selling tennis rackets. I pay $1300 a month for my apartment and it's a box slightly larger than my entire body. It's so small my dick can be in 3 different rooms at the same time!

Wait. What am I talking about? I don't even have 3 rooms! And on top of it – I got to pay gas, electric, cable…. I don't get shit for $1300! The ...

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How To Spot a Douche Bag

http://www.superawesomewow.com/how-to-spot-a-douche-bag/

Contrary to popular belief, douche bags come in all shapes and sizes. All colors and nationalities. Women not only are able to use douche bags, they too can be douche bags. How do I know? I almost became one. Not a woman. A douche bag. I lived in Los Angeles for 13 months. Let's put it this way, there's more douche bags in LA than there are in Madonna's medicine cabinet.

Well, almost. Because here's the thing: you don't even realize it and all of a sudden you're highlighting a red streak ...

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The Adventures of Jeffrey Booby Hands

Once upon a time, there lived a little boy from Kutztown who dreamed of one day having boobies for hands. Yes, hands made of boobs. Booby hands. Here is my story:

Maybe it's the fact I could motorboat myself. Maybe it's the fact I could respond to annoying comments like, "Dude, I think you got too much time on your hands" with a "No, it's not time. It's cleavage!" But, everytime I see a girl walk by with great breasts my imagination runs wild. I start thinking about all that could become of me and my booby hands...< ...

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I Love My Doctor

I went to that WebMD web site the other day. For a couple hours, I thought I had the Bubonic plague. It turned out it was just a headache and the bubonic plague doesn't exist anymore.

The last time I went to see the doctor I had a cut on my leg which I needed to get stitched up. I was going to go see an Orthopedic surgeon but all my insurance companies said I needed to see a General Practitioner first. I go in there. I'm like:

Me: I got a cut right --
< ...

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Happy Monday! and other Nonsensical Phrases

Happy Monday!: People say this as if it's a normal greeting. And it's not just that. It's happy walk to the bathroom, happy drive home, happy morning snack... Well, it was going to be a happy morning snack. But, now it's going to be a miserable morning snack because of you. Because of you. I hope you're happy!

Train Wreck: "Her hair - what a train wreck!" "Meeting my in-laws - wow, that was a train wreck!" No. You want to know what a train wreck is: 2 huge pieces of metal going 80mph on tracks, colliding together. That's ...

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21 Things We Hate About Working in an Office

21. Loud Typers: They want you to think they're typing fast but really they're just loud and ANNOYING.

20. Cubicles: What's up with three side walls, anyway? We're not actors in a play. A fourth wall with a door and some glue to sniff would be nice.

19. Memos and Reports: No, we don't have that TPS report for you and probably never will! Memo to all office personnel: there will be no more office personnel memos.

18. Smokers: As you're slaving away in front of your computer, they're filing in and out of the office every ten ...

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Yay! My Team Won a Championship - Now, Let's Light Some Shit on Fire!!!!

www.NationalLampoon.com

Death, taxes, and rioting after sports championships. Apparently, these are the only certainties in life. Players go to Disney World. Fans go crazy. In yet another example of the "Yes, my team won! Now, let's smash a car!' logic, hundreds of fans caused mayhem on the streets of Los Angeles Sunday night after the Lakers won their 16th NBA title. Signs were torn down, vehicles were damaged, and various objects were hurled at police officers. Some lit fires, others broke into local stores. According to the L.A. Police Department, at least 25 people ...

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DRIVING in the Wild Wild West

by Jeff Lutz & OC Newby

LOS ANGELES, CA (Any Day)

I slowly pull out of my gated apartment complex - why it's gated I don't know. The wife asked me to bring back some In-N-Out Burgers. Anything for the fam! Hmm... I wonder if I should take the freeway? Can't be too busy this time of day. My life flashes before my eyes - boy, that was a fun day up in the hot air balloon - as I inch out onto the road. A shiny, turquise Hummer H3 swerves right by me - HOLY COW! ...

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