12.31.16


Hero.


by
Jeff Lutz & Ron Barba

Tick, tick, tick, the ticking of the clock
You were just a boy
Wielding a flamethrower on the beach of Angaur
Does anyone care?

Trump lovin, yoga posin, chai latte sippin, kale salad and cupcake eatin, skinny jean wearin, Citibike ridin, Facebook postin, LOL'n, OMG'n AMERICA

Tick, tick, tick, the ticking of the clock
Now a man
Flying home with a bullet wound and a medal of honor
Does anyone care?

Fantasy football-playin, Gluten free braggin, rescue dog having, bff ...

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08.26.14


Termination of Employment


Letter I emailed to my "job" last evening...

After careful consideration, I have decided to let you go as a potential employer. We are clearly not a good fit. I value companies that are transparent and that do not misrepresent themselves right off the bat. i.e. base pay? What? I believe the hallmark of a successful company starts with adequate training of personnel. The training - and I'm using that word loosely - was below par at best. For example, I was dropped off in the field my first official day (day 6) holding a computer tablet with ...

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05.18.14


I got NEW YORK'd!!!


Dec. 3, 2014 - $12 for a slice of pizza and Gatorade. What?

April 8, 2014 - I go to put 2 dollars on my subway card, the machine takes my 2 dollars and shoots me a receipt: invalid purchase. I take it over to the person in the booth. She tells me my card is bend, it's not going to work. Wow. What a Goddamn genius! I say, I want my 2 dollars. She hands me a brochure to fill out and send in.

April 11, 2014 - Apparently, there were a couple people that came out to our show last night who were taken ...

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10.15.13


A Window Into COMEDY


I met this Rodrigo character - the booker at one of the comedy clubs in the city - through my comedian friend this past Friday. Well, actually this was the 3rd time I had "met' him. Each time, this Rodrigo character would say write down your avails. I would write down my avails. Then, I never heard from him. This time, he goes nice to meet you. My friend says, "you already met him.' Rodrigo says "Here, take my number. Text me your avails.' I go to leave, he calls after me "Jeff, what are you doing Sunday ...

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09.01.12


ShowAmerica Blog: Exclusive Interview with The Voice of Comedy Jeff Lutz!


Q: Tell us a little about yourself.
A: I'm a Jew from rural Pennsylvania Amish country. Berlin in the 1940′s was probably a more Jewish friendly town to grow up in. I've been pursuing a career in comedy half my thirty year life. Comedy has taken me from Florida to Philadelphia, PA to Los Angeles back to Pennsylvania to New York. I've performed at colleges and clubs all across the country, including Caroline's on Broadway, Gotham Comedy Club, and the Comic Strip Live in NYC and the World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, Ca. I now live in New ...

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08.15.12


12 Items You Should Never Take With You to The GYM


Ah, the gym - a solitary place where a person can rid the stresses of everyday life and just be at peace with the world and one's own thoughts... that is, until these jackasses show up sporting their smug looks and form fitting body suits, blasting their boom boxes, wearing 3 day old gym shorts as they balance on a beach ball to work the middle area of their body they call "abs."

You know, how some of those obnoxious meatheads at your gym will sometimes bring their very own "grocery list" of exercises to do? "All right, leg ...

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02.11.12


I'm the BEST Man?


Weddings have a tendency to make me question friendships. It's just one of those times I start to think about my life and the choices I've made and if I really know this person well enough to have to rent a tuxedo and buy a gift? Yeah, sure we've been best friends for 15 years but I didn't know your favorite song was "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred and that peach tree was your favorite color. I didn't even know there was a color peach tree! You'd think a best man should know that!

See, this is ...

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12.30.11


Top 10: Reasons They Never Built a New Kutztown High School


10. Why would we build a new school when we have trash cans to catch the rain?

9. Why build a new school when you can just Google one on your new laptop?

8. They were going to build a new high school – they're just waiting for this building to corrode into the earth first. Should be any day now.

7. We're waiting for those greedy Mennonites over at Weaver's Hardware to drop their prices on parts.

6. All the money they accumulated to build a new school went towards a new plant in Mrs. Ball's greenhouse. ...

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07.26.11


What I'll Say When I'm Homeless


http://www.superawesomewow.com/what-ill-say-when-im-homeless/

I live in New York City. The greatest city in the world. Also, one of the most EXPENSIVE! Especially, for a struggling stand-up comic with a day job selling tennis rackets. I pay $1300 a month for my apartment and it's a box slightly larger than my entire body. It's so small my dick can be in 3 different rooms at the same time!

Wait. What am I talking about? I don't even have 3 rooms! And on top of it – I got to pay gas, electric, cable…. I don't get shit for $1300! The ...

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03.23.11


How To Spot a Douche Bag


http://www.superawesomewow.com/how-to-spot-a-douche-bag/

Contrary to popular belief, douche bags come in all shapes and sizes. All colors and nationalities. Women not only are able to use douche bags, they too can be douche bags. How do I know? I almost became one. Not a woman. A douche bag. I lived in Los Angeles for 13 months. Let's put it this way, there's more douche bags in LA than there are in Madonna's medicine cabinet.

Well, almost. Because here's the thing: you don't even realize it and all of a sudden you're highlighting a red streak ...

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