Yay! My Team Won a Championship - Now, Let's Light Some Shit on Fire!!!!

www.NationalLampoon.com

Death, taxes, and rioting after sports championships. Apparently, these are the only certainties in life. Players go to Disney World. Fans go crazy. In yet another example of the "Yes, my team won! Now, let's smash a car!' logic, hundreds of fans caused mayhem on the streets of Los Angeles Sunday night after the Lakers won their 16th NBA title. Signs were torn down, vehicles were damaged, and various objects were hurled at police officers. Some lit fires, others broke into local stores. According to the L.A. Police Department, at least 25 people ...

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DRIVING in the Wild Wild West

by Jeff Lutz & OC Newby

LOS ANGELES, CA (Any Day)

I slowly pull out of my gated apartment complex - why it's gated I don't know. The wife asked me to bring back some In-N-Out Burgers. Anything for the fam! Hmm... I wonder if I should take the freeway? Can't be too busy this time of day. My life flashes before my eyes - boy, that was a fun day up in the hot air balloon - as I inch out onto the road. A shiny, turquise Hummer H3 swerves right by me - HOLY COW! ...

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I Hate My Job: A Journal of a Day at the Office

http://nationallampoon.com/articles/i-hate-my-job-a-journal-of-a-day-at-the-office
by Jeff Lutz & O.C. Newby

It starts as soon as I get out of my car and walk by the smokers. Every ten minutes, they're filing in and out of the office for what they like to call a "smoke break.' The only consolation: they probably have lung cancer.

I sit down at my cubicle and look around. I'm like a rat trapped in some kind of experiment. Why three walls? I'm not an actor in a play! I look up. Oh, God. It's the Happy-Go-Lucky Morning ...

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Lady Advice with Jeff and Thane: First Dates

People are always asking us what's a great place to take a first date? Well, people, you've asked the right guys. Did you know that between the two of us we've dated over seven and half women?

Being the gentlemen of pleasure that we are, we recommend you don't take her to the same, old, boring place, such as Applebee's or Olive Garden. Definitely not Olive Garden. When you're there you're family? That's like fucking your sister. I don't think so. No, we recommend you give your woman a unique experience that will not only blow her mind, ...

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Morehead Receiver Now Packer

This is a funny sample I wrote for an interview with National Lampoon's...

MOREHEAD, KY - A dream came true this past Sunday night when Morehead State receiver Tyson Richards-Nimble was selected in the seventh round of the 2009 National Football League draft by the Green Bay Packers.

"I really loved being a Morehead receiver,' Richards-Nimble said. "But, I'm now thrilled to be a Packer!'

The four-year starter and phenomenon, first became a Kentucky legend for his acrobatic receiving skills - skills he must utilize at the next level if he plans to ...

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Drama at the IN n' OUT

Approximately 11:30 PM In and Out Burger on Sunset, March 4th:

I am enjoying my double double burger - the special sauce has once been described as a unicorn came in it. It is that delectable, folks - with my old roommate from UF Adam Schott (creator of this fine web site by the way) and his buddy. A black crazy-looking man walks in. He's carrying a wad of cash. He immediately starts shouting... "I've got $35, I've got $35!!!". Adam thinks he's going to rob the place. I just shrug my shoulders and laugh. Just another "Sunny day...." The man ...

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Pornstar Kareoke

I was at Pornstar kareoke the other night at Sardo's in Burbank. What you didn't know I was a pornstar? Yeah, I'm a stunt penis. You didn't know that? I go in there after doing comedy with a couple friends and they have about half the bar roped off and reserved for pornstars. I sing "Somebody Told Me" by the Killers. No pornstars yet. A good thing, probably. About a half hour later, the supposed pornstars start showing up. Some of them looked like what you'd imagine pornstars to look like. Others just looked creepy. Again, what you'd imagine pornstars ...

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Umbrella Story

I was walking up the hill back from class the other day. It was cloudy and I had my umbrella with me just in case. At the top of the hill, there's a lady wearing a shirt where it looks like her tits are hanging out. As I get closer, I see that this lady is in her 40's and not very attractive - really, it wasn't a pretty sight folks. As we pass, the lady asks me if she can borrow my umbrella? I'm like, "What?" IT WASN'T EVEN RAINING! She's like, "I'll give you $10 for it. Come on $10." ...

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La la la...

Yeah, I'm like the anti-Hollywood out here. I'm not cool. I'm not that good-looking. I'm not pretentious. I'm not a drug addict. I'm not a sex addict (sure, I'd love to be but well you know I think you have to have a lot of sex to be a....). And I'm educated...

Ok, at first glance, LA appears to be like a really hot girl with no personality - great to look at but with no backstory, no charm. But, what I've since come to realize is that hot girl does have personality, a lot of personality only ...

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Jeff: PA to LA

DAY 1 (Dec. 27th 2008) - The beginning of my journey. I was about to embark on a 50 or so hour drive by myself from the comedy hotbed of Kutztown, PA to LA, California. The goal: LA by New Year's night. Hitting friends and family along the way. First stop: Columbia, SC and my Dad's cousin. Why you ask would you drive to SC if you're going to CA? Good question! Ok, two reasons: One, I'm a cheap bastard and that's the route where I had places to stay and two: the possible weather going through the middle of the country. It ...

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